Women's Lingo and Sub Language, Defined.

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The mysterious world of communication between women and men seems as if it will always exist. Read this funny example.

“My wife tricked me once by saying she wanted a vacuum for her birthday. I then got in trouble for getting her a vacuum for her birthday.” via @parkdad…

This poor man was obviously a victim of his wife’s and woman’s Lingo, or sub-language. Pardon? What is women’s Lingo and sub-language, you ask? Here’s a general definition.

Lingo:   a language, especially one other than your own.”

Sub-language: a variety of language with its own terms and expressions that is used by a particular group or to talk about a particular subject, for example, the language used by doctors to talk to each other about medicine, or the language of a technical instruction manual.”

The following is a humorous view of women’s language definitions and is not meant to be derogatory towards women in any way. Men also have a very distinct lingo of their own. However, being a woman myself it does seem more fitting that I write a post that briefly outlines a few tips in regard to understanding women’s Lingo. Keep in mind, this post is NOT meant to be a literal or political statement of any kind.

Everyone and anyone, especially those in close intimate relationships with women, needs to have a good grasp of the important underlying definitions and true meanings of commonly used words, expressions, and jokes used by many (most?) women. Let’s look at some of those all too important but ‘need to know’ innuendos.

General Gift and Shopping Rules:

  1. No matter what she says, never shop for a gift in the housewares department if you want her to truly love you, appreciate you, and “want” you! Honest.
  2. Never, ever, buy something in a size, style or color suggested by a saleswoman who said, “Is she about my size, age, blah, blah?”
  3. What YOU think is the ultimate in sexy is probably 99.9% of the time not what she thinks or feels sexy wearing. 
  4. Yes, you must have a gift ready and wrapped in time for all special events. Running out to the store on her birthday and returning with a plastic bag never works.
  5. Cards matter. Just do it.
  6. Flowers are always appropriate, no matter if they die or whatever she says. Getting her flowers says a lot more wonderful things.

General Conversation Definitions:

  • If you’re watching a movie and some gorgeous sexy guy is in it and she jokes, “hey, I wouldn’t mind having him as my pool boy” or whatever and then laughs adding “just kidding honey.” She’s not kidding. It’s time to start that exercise program you’ve been postponing for months or years.
  • Being comfy at home is cool. Being a dirty slob is disgusting. Romance/intimacy/sex is a 24/7 thing.
  • Learn how to give a really good hug, period. No strings attached. It will pay off big time in the end.
  • A compliment goes a thousand miles. A personal compliment, not, “the carpet looks so nicely vacuumed honey.”
  • Realize that you pretty much can’t win if asked: “do I look fat?” Just repeat earnestly: “no! You look great/sexy/beautiful.”
  • Never, ever, offer any kind of positive word or compliment about another woman’s looks, age, or accomplishments.
  • Never, ever, respond with anything more positive than “I didn’t notice” to a compliment about another woman, even if your spouse made the original compliment.
  • Remember, if your spouse is yelling at you, there is an excellent and very illogical logical reason. Take it like a man.

I love language, words, and innuendos and enjoy writing about different aspects of them. I hope this post gave you a little insightful humour.

 

0 thoughts on “Women's Lingo and Sub Language, Defined.

  1. Too funny. Considering that I have lived with women all my life (I can honestly say I haven’t spent more than 20 days of my life not sleeping within 20 feet of a woman) I thought I had a reasonable grasp.
    On the flip side, I’ve had a book idea brewing over the years titled How to Own and Operate a Man with the basic premise that it is easier to teach a nursery rhyme to college students than it is to teach Calculus to kindergarteners. For the most part it would be a collection of famous comedian’s comedy bits about men and women with a few main premises of my own, mainly the 4 “P”s.
    These are the 4 areas that a woman should never attack a man on.
    They are:
    Protect: never attack a man on his ability to protect you.
    Provide: never attack a man on his ability to provide. If a man can talk about another woman, a woman can’t talk about what other women have, “Wow, you should see the size of Jane’s house!”
    Procreate: Obvious for both sides.
    Prowess: The essence of a man. His ability to measure up to other men.
    In general most “ouch” points for men have to do with their place with other men. Marriage in a lot of ways is a woman saying, “I have searched the world and this is the best man I could find!” Overtime that “enthusiasm” for her man dwindles. I guess that is true for both sides.

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